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Cursing Ed
Cursing Ed is a Season 9 episode of Ed, Edd n Eddy. In this episode, Ed learns a bad word and starts saying all the time. Plot Ed's Mom tells Ed to take out the garbage, on his way out, he heard teenagers offscreen cursing. After that, Ed goes inside the house, Ed's Mom asks did he take the garbage out, Ed says "Yes, Mom! I took out the ***(bleep)ing*** trash!". Ed's Mom screamed and faint. Sarah overheard Ed, and yells at him, for causing their mother to faint, Ed said "I'm sorry, baby ***(bleep)ing*** sister!", Sarah screams, slaps him in the face and runs off. Ed is confused. At school, Eddy tries thinking of a scam, Ed suggest they should "***(bleep)***, ***(bleep)***, about how to ***(bleep)***, ***(bleep)***, ***(bleep)ing***, ***(bleep)***!" The kids overhead Ed cursing, Rolf think it's a curse, Kevin and Nazz run off, Jimmy runs in panic and Jonny seems to be the only one who is not offended by Ed's cursing. Eddy and Edd are shocked by it, Eddy falls to the ground laughing, Edd is stunned by it, telling Ed to watch what he says. Eddy think Ed was joking, and tells Ed to think of something else. Ed then says "We should do a ***(bleep)ing*** scam, about the ***(bleep)***, ***(bleep)***, ***(bleep)***, ***(bleep)ing***, ***(bleep)***, ***(bleep)***, ***(bleep)ing***, ***(bleep)***". The kids heard him curse again, Edd is stunned again, Eddy continues laughing, Edd suggest they should get some soap. Ed is scared shouting "EVIL ***(bleep)ing*** SOAP! NO ***(bleep)ing*** SOAP! SOAP IS EVIL! SOAP IS ***(bleep)ing*** EVIL!" The kids once again, heard Ed curse again, Eddy laughs and Edd is still stunned by Ed's big-mouth. At the cafeteria, the kids were eating and enjoying themselves, until Ed came in, the kids ran away, Ed wonders "What is with these ***(bleep)ing** guys?". Eddy suggests they are finding some new seats, Edd wonders what they should do about Ed cursing. The kids are sitting, trembling in fear, except Jonny and Plank, who are still eating. Jonny tells the Eds to sit with them, Ed tells to Jonny "How the ***(bleep)*** are you?", Jonny said he's doing okay. Jonny listens to Plank, telling Jonny he shouldn't be around with the big-mouthed Ed. At the locker room, the kids ran away. Ed wonders "What is wrong with ***(bleep)ing*** kids?", Eddy tells Ed they already left. The kids hide in the locker, Jonny walks by and Rolf drags Jonny inside the locker. Rolf tells Jonny to stay away from the curse of the big mouth (Ed). Ed opens the locker, and says "Hiya ***(bleep)ing*** folks!". The kids, except Jonny, scream and ran away, Ed says "What is ***(bleep)ing*** wrong with them?" The next day, the kids gather up, saying that they can't stand Ed cursing. Jonny comes along and Kevin tells him to join the huddle. Jonny, unaware of what they're doing, joins the huddle. The Eds come up to them, Ed asks them "What are you doing ***(bleep)ing*** guys?" The kids all run off, Ed's once again confused. Ed asks why are they avoiding him. Edd tells him they're avoiding him because he's saying profanity. Ed asks him with is profanity, Edd tells him about profanity. Ed is now frightened shouting "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! I'M A BIG, FAT, POTTY-MOUTH, NO MORE BAD WORDS!" Sarah comes out the bathroom, with soap. Ed runs away shouting "SOAP! EVIL! EVIL ***(bleep)ing*** SOAP! SOAP! GET AWAY FROM ME, ***(bleep)ing*** SOAP!" Sarah and the kids chases Ed all the way home, as Edd and Eddy follows. At home, the kids tied Ed up on a chair, Kevin open his mouth, Jonny has the water hose ready, Sarah has the soap and Jimmy has toothpaste. The kids do this to Ed offscreen. Edd is watching in horror, while Eddy laughs. After this, Ed no alonger curses. The kids are now satisfied, Edd is proud that Ed is not cursing anymore, and accidentally blurts out a curse word. The kids all go after Edd, tie him up on a chair and perform the same treatment they did to Ed. Eddy laughs at this, telling Ed "What a fine way to end a ***(bleep)ing*** show!" The kids overheard Eddy curse, and chase after them, as the episode ends. Memorable Quotes (Opening shot: the city skyline during the day.) Narrator: The city of Townsville! Where there’s always something cooking. (Quick pan to the kitchen of the girls’ house. Dirty pots and pans are stacked everywhere, and we can hear other dishes being shuffled o.c. A small TV sits in the foreground, next to the sink with its screen turned away from the camera, and a female voice is heard—the host of a cooking show, sounding a bit like Julia Child.) Host: All right, it’s almost time to put that turkey in the oven. (The Professor hustles across the screen—he is the source of the clatter and mess, and he has put on an apron and rolled up his sleeves. A large turkey rests on a platter in his hands. The next several lines overlap.) Professor: Turkey in the oven. Host: Next we’ll tackle the vegetable stuffing. Now take your veggies and— Professor: (hustling across) Right, veggies…Hold on! (More rattling of utensils.) Host: —julienne them like so. Not very difficult. Now mix them in with the tomato coulis we prepared earlier. (On the end of this, he crosses the kitchen again, this time with an armload of vegetables in tow. The distinct sound of creaking metal from the oven’s general direction combines with his next words to obscure the start of the host’s next sentence.) Professor: (now o.c.) We prepared that earlier? (He backs into view.) Host: —and stuff it into the turkey. Professor: (puzzled) The turkey? But it’s in the oven already. Host: See how easy it goes in? Everything should be running just smooth as silk. (Of course, it is not. There is an o.c. explosion—the oven just gave up the ghost—that obscures her next few words.) Professor: Oh, dear! Host: Make sure you don’t set that temperature too high, or you’ll be putting out a three-alarm fire. All right, now sit yourself down and enjoy a nice cold beverage— (During the previous line, the Professor runs o.c. away from the oven, then back toward it with a fire extinguisher. White clouds of carbon dioxide vapor drift back into view as he uses the thing. Cut to outside the kitchen door; smoke billows into the hallway as his panicked shriek rings out. Pan/tilt up to the door of the girls’ bedroom, then cut to inside. Buttercup floats up into view, with a building block in hand aimed for the top of a tower.) Buttercup: Hey, somebody go down and see if dinner’s ready. I’m hungry. (She places the block; cut to Blossom, on the bed reading.) Blossom: I’m busy. You go. Buttercup: No, you go! Blossom: No, you! Buttercup: You! Blossom: You! Buttercup: You! Blossom: You! Buttercup: Fine. (adding another block) Bubbles, you go. (The third sister is lying on the floor and working intently on a coloring book.) Bubbles: I can’t. I’m in the zone! Buttercup: Okay, then. (tossing another block away) Let’s rock-scissor-paper for it. (Close-up of a point between the girls. Each reaches one hand into view and shakes it during the count of the next line, as you might do when playing this game.) Girls: (from o.c.) Ready? One, two, three! Blossom: (from o.c.) Scissors beats paper! Buttercup: (from o.c.) Ha-ha. You lose, Bubbles. (Shift to frame all three.) Now go see what’s for dinner. Bubbles: I always lose at this game! (Back to the kitchen. A pot of something is boiling on the stove. During the next line, the Professor runs across with another armload of vegetables.) Host: All right, let’s turn up the heat, shall we? Professor: (from o.c.) No, please! (A great commotion; the veggies fly back into view, and he returns to the stove.) Host: It’s time to check that sauce. Professor: Sauce. Right. (He shoots out one hand and grabs the pot’s handle. The sizzle of flesh on metal does not immediately register in his brain—but after a second his eyes bug out and he sinks his teeth into his lower lip to stifle a scream. Everything he ever learned about heat transfer has just come back to him in one agonizing instant. Finally he pulls free and regards his steaming appendage.) Professor: Mother of all **TEA-KETTLE WHISTLING** ! (Cut to the boiling kettle on the stove. Pull back to frame the unfortunate man, sucking frantically at his scalded fingers—and Bubbles, floating unnoticed behind him with Octi in her grasp. Her face betrays her complete shock at what she has just overheard.) (Back to the bedroom. As Blossom continues reading and Buttercup waits impatiently with another block in hand, Bubbles floats along the balcony to the doorway. Her expression has not changed.) Buttercup: Hey, Bubbles. What’s for dinner? Blossom: Hey, Bubbles…Bubbles? (She floats across the room, paying no heed, and stops near Buttercup and the tower of blocks.) Buttercup: Hel-lo? Earth to Bubbles! Dinner? (Cut to the coloring book on the floor. Octi hangs into view from above, still held by Bubbles.) Buttercup: (from o.c.) Bubbles? Bubbles! (Octi is dropped.) Oh, I give up. (The owner of said octopus descends into view and picks up a crayon to start in on her coloring again. She seems rather distracted, however, and the crayon breaks in her hand. Cut to her sisters; she rises from the ground.) Bubbles: (suddenly angry) Stupid **TOWER COLLAPSING** crayon! (This outburst has drawn the attention of the other two in a hurry.) Bubbles: That was my favorite color! (Buttercup lets a block slip from her grasp, while Blossom forgets about her book altogether. Now Bubbles settles happily down to her work as her sisters approach during the next line.) Bubbles: Well, I guess my unicorn will have to be pink. Buttercup: What was that you said? Blossom: Where did you learn that word? Bubbles: The Professor. I think it’s pretty. Buttercup: Yeah. I don’t know what it means, but it sounds cool. Blossom: It’s pretty obvious, isn’t it? It’s gotta be an adjective. That’s used to lend emphasis to words. Like “great” or “fantastic.” (Cut to her sisters; she continues o.c.) I’m guessing it can be used for good and bad things. (Bubbles and Buttercup smile at each other; back to Blossom.) Blossom: Like, you can say “great,” “super-great,” or **CAT YOWL** ”great.” (More yowling from outside, mixed with a dog barking.) Bubbles: Kitty? Buttercup: **DOG BARK** Cool! Bubbles, Buttercup: ** BARK** That makes sense. Blossom: **BARK** Trust me. I know what I’m **BARK** talking about. Bubbles: I **BARK** love it! Buttercup: I wanna **YOWL** try it! Hey, I **BARK** did it! (In an instant, they are circling the ceiling light fixture.) Girls: We love **BARK** ! It’s such a great word! We love **BARK** ! It’s such a great word! (jumping on bed) We love **BEDSPRINGS TWANG** ! We love **TWANG** ! (They collapse on the mattress in a giggling heap. Fade to black.) (Fade in to the exterior of Pokey Oaks Kindergarten during the day.) Ms. Keane: (from inside) Okay, children. Before you go to recess, I want to hand back those quizzes you took yesterday. (Inside, she passes the girls’ desk and lays a paper in front of each as she goes. L to R: Blossom, Bubbles, Buttercup. Cut to just behind Blossom’s head and pan left to show all three papers. She has an A+, Bubbles a B, Buttercup an F.) Ms. Keane: (from o.c.) I was pleased with the results—for the most part. (Close-up of each in turn.) Blossom: (happily) Oh— Bubbles: (ditto) Oh— Buttercup: (disgustedly) Aw— Girls: —'**SCHOOL BELL**' ! (Everyone else is caught flat-footed by these words; Mitch Mitchellson is first to speak up.) Mitch: (laughing) They said **BELL** ! (Ms. Keane gasps and faints. Snap to black.) Blossom: (voice over) Ms. Keane? (A horizontal crack splits the blank field and widens as if an eye were being opened—this is the teacher’s perspective as she regains consciousness. The view, of the worried girls, starts out a bit fuzzy but soon comes into focus.) Blossom: Ms. Keane, are you okay? (Cut to just behind them, the camera pointing straight at Ms. Keane’s face. It takes her a moment to get herself entirely composed, and her first action is to point angrily o.c.) Ms. Keane: Corner! (Pull back; she sits up, and the girls float slowly that way.) Blossom: What did we do? Ms. Keane: You know very well what you did. (smiling) The rest of you can go to recess. (Cheering kids rush past her. The girls, meanwhile, are in the aforementioned corner.) Bubbles: But, Ms. Keane, what did we do? Ms. Keane: Zip it! (They do so and turn their faces to the wall. Pause.) Bubbles: (to her sisters) So this is what a time-out is like. Buttercup: Ah, you get used to it. Blossom: (suddenly worried) I wonder if this will go on my permanent record! (The hotline starts to buzz.) It’s the hotline! Bubbles: But we’re in time-out, and Ms. Keane says we have to stay here and think about what we’ve done. I don’t know what that is, but— Buttercup: (flying o.c.) Oh, I’ll get it. (Cut to her at the phone; she answers.) Hello, Mayor?…An emergency?…We’ll be right there. (hanging up) It’s go time, girls! (The exterior of the building; they take off through the roof.) Bubbles: What about time-out? (Just inside the closed door of the Mayor’s office; they open it.) Blossom: What’s up, Mayor? (They approach him at his desk.) What’s the crisis? Another monster on the loose? Mojo Jojo? Fuzzy Lumkins? Mayor: Girls, it’s a crisis of epic proportions. (Cut to them; he continues o.c.) It’s lunchtime and I can’t open my pickle jar! (He holds it up on the end of this line, then starts to shake it back and forth. The girls are irked.) Mayor: (from o.c.) Can you open it for me, please? (Cut to him; a sandwich on a plate and a glass of milk are set before him.) I mean, what’s a PB-and-J without a pickle, I tell you? Buttercup: (grabbing jar) The pickle jar, Mayor? The pickle jar? I can’t believe you called us here for this! I can’t **THROW DOWN; CRASH** believe this! Blossom: (grabbing milk) You’re such a **THROW DOWN; CRASH** baby! Bubbles: (grabbing sandwich, plate) You’re not **THROW DOWN; CRASH** nice! (Cut to behind the girls. The remains of the Mayor’s lunch are splattered across his desk.) Buttercup: What do you have to **MAYOR FALLS; THUMP** say for yourself? Mayor: (from under desk) Oh, my. (He reaches up and turns on the intercom.) Ms. Bellum, could you, uh, step in here a moment, please? (Wipe to the girls in flight, with healthy dollops of foam around their mouths—the trusty assistant washed them out with soap. After a moment, they wipe the residue away.) Blossom: Blech! Bubbles: That was yucky! Buttercup: Yeah, what’s with all the **PASSING GEESE HONK** soap in the mouth? (An alarm brings them up short, and they zip down toward it. Cut to the source of the clangor: a bank that is being robbed by two men. One is fat, the other thin, and both are masked and armed. The thin one has his gun on a teller and is holding a sack. A customer stands behind him.) Thin robber: Fork it over, cupcake—or else! (A crash marks the girls’ arrival; the teller and customer smile.) Blossom: (from o.c.) Or else what? (Cut to them, near the front entrance. A security guard sleeps in a nearby chair.) Blossom: It’s not **SNORE** nice to pick on the **SNORE** citizens of Townsville! Fat robber: (stunned, to thin one) Dude! Did she say what I think she said? Blossom: (to thin one) You’re a **PUNCH** man! (Cut to a group of three other customers, man, woman, and boy, who are looking on. The two adults are flabbergasted, but the boy is smiling at the proceedings; however, the man promptly leans over and sticks his fingers in the youth’s ears. The latter is not happy about this. Bubbles and Buttercup start belting the fat robber back and forth.) Buttercup: That’ll teach you, **SMACK** meanie! Eat my **SMACK** ! Bubbles: Yeah, you **SMACK** ! (Close-up of the teller, who now looks as if she wants to remove her ears and soak them in straight Lysol overnight.) Blossom: (from o.c.) Leave these **SMACK** nice people alone! (A small sign marked OPEN sits in front of her window, but she turns it around to say CLOSED and ducks out of sight. She has just gone off duty. Cut to another group, all horrified: a woman with her hands over her baby’s ears, and an elderly man.) Buttercup: (from o.c.) You want another **SMACK** one? (Cut to the girls, who are looking up at the source of a growing shadow on the floor. The robbers drop into view and crash senseless to the floor.) Blossom: That’ll teach you! (Cut to outside the bank entrance. Two cops stand by their cruiser, with cups of coffee in hand, and the girls address them. One is thin, the other fat. A construction worker is poised over his jackhammer in the fore.) Blossom: Hello, **JACKHAMMER** officers. The **JACKHAMMER** crooks are inside. (as the girls take off) Have a **JACKHAMMER** nice day. Thin cop: (tipping his hat) You have a **JACKHAMMER** nice day too. (Cut to an old woman at a busy intersection. She begins to cross the street against a “don’t walk” signal and steps into the path of an oncoming truck. As the driver leans on his horn, the girls whisk her away and set her down safely on the sidewalk.) Blossom: There you go, ma’am. Buttercup: Boy, you need to look out. That **HONK** truck almost ran you over. (The old woman shudders at what she has just heard and swings her purse into Buttercup’s face.) Buttercup: Hey! (The woman chases the girls, waving her cane.) Old woman: Why, you fresh little whippersnappers! (Cut to Bubbles, up near a tree’s topmost branches. She has rescued a cat from its acrophobic perch and is carrying it down to ground level. Tilt down to follow her; we are in a girl’s backyard, and she is waiting eagerly for her pet Bubbles hands the animal over.) Bubbles: Now remember, when you take your kitty outside, be sure to keep him on a **YOWL** leash. (The girl starts wailing at the end of this bit of advice; Bubbles joins her sisters in midair.) Buttercup: What was everybody so mad about? Blossom: I don’t know. Everybody is acting so weird. (Loud, incoherent cursing from o.c.) Bubbles: Do you hear that? (Building level. Extreme close-up of the source of this yelling as it stalks across the screen and panicked screams rise from below. It is a gigantic toilet, with eyes near the flush handle and its seat cover partially open for a mouth. Sharp teeth ring the seat and cover. Back to the girls.) Bubbles: Holy **CRASH** ! Somebody’s using our new word! (Back to the rampaging monster, the camera pulled back a distance. Now we see that the toilet is only its head; the body is reptilian and colored in light shades of blue.) Narrator: Looks like the girls aren’t the only ones in town using colorful language. (On the end of this, pull back to frame them.) Blossom: Let’s go, girls! (They charge.) Monster: (stopping) Huh? Blossom: Hey, you! Mr. Monster! (Grumbling response.) Where did you learn that word? (The creature goes into an extended explanation, in like manner to its previous profanities. It seems to make sense to the girls, though.) Blossom: Interesting. I, uh, don’t know what some of those other words mean. Buttercup: But they make you sound **HELICOPTER** tough! (Cut to a street corner. As the monster curses a blue streak in the background and people run everywhere, a nun stands in the foreground and prays. From this vantage point, the monster’s tail is visible—a roll of toilet paper attached to the hindquarters, with a long streamer of the stuff dangling free. Pan from the nun to two hoodlums; one is big and muscular, while the other is undersized and has his hands over his ears.) Big hoodlum: Man! That’s some rough language! (Back to the girls.) Bubbles: Connect **HONK** to **HONK** word and it becomes **HONK** . (A tattoo parlor, where a fellow is having some ink done. The unintelligible swearing is clearly audible even from in here, so much so that the artist stops his work and both men take notice.) Customer: That sure is naughty. (The girls again.) Blossom: It can also be used as a verb. Buttercup: Yeah, like **HONK** . (Down in the street, two bikers are ready to put it in gear. One is a good bit older, judging from his white mustache.) Older biker: Let’s roll. I can’t take it no more. (They peel out. Back to the girls.) Blossom: (addressing herself o.c.) No. She wasn’t telling you to **HONK** ! (The monster disagrees vociferously—this is an argument with him. In a prison cell, an inmate clutches the bars.) Inmate: Make it stop! My delicate ears can’t take it no more! (The girls.) Buttercup: And what if I did **HONK** mean it? Bubbles: Now you’re just being **HONK** rude! (The monster shouts at them, shaking a fist.) Buttercup: Well, we’re gonna **HONK** ! Blossom: **HONK** ! Bubbles: **HONK** ! (Cut to a slow pan across a group of totally speechless observers—all they can do is gasp in horror as the inaudible cursing continues—then to the girls and the monster. Pull back on this shot to frame more of the street, which is clogged with cars that are the source of the honking. The Professor is stuck in the traffic jam.) Professor: Oh, what the heck is the holdup? I’m never gonna make my three o’clock manicure. (sighing, leaning forward) What’s going on? (He smiles at the sight of the girls confronting the monster.) Professor: Oh! It’s the girls! (getting out) Always doing good deeds and being model citizens. Oh, I’m so proud. I am so proud! (Punches start to land o.c.) Blossom: (from o.c.) Take that, you **HONK** monster! Buttercup: (from o.c.) Eat my **HONK** fist! Bubbles: (from o.c.) I’m gonna teach you a **HONK** lesson! Blossom: (from o.c.) You **HONK** want another **HONK** taste of **HONK** me, **HONK** ? (Throughout the previous four lines, the Professor’s quiet pride in his girls gives way to shock and utter mortification. Cut to the girls and the monster; it shouts a few more unprintable things at them. The Professor, meanwhile, has got himself back under control, and he is not happy.) Professor: BLOSSOM!! BUTTERCUP!! BUBBLES!! GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!! (Back to the girls on the end of this line. They are spoiling for more action, but this summons snaps them out of it.) Girls: Professor? Blossom: Could you excuse us for just a second, Mr. Monster, sir? (A grumbled reply, and they zip down. The creature stomps off to raise more of a ruckus.) Blossom: What’s going on, Professor? Buttercup: We’re a little busy. Professor: I am very angry with all three of you. (A crowd starts to gather behind him.) Girls: What for? Professor: That word you’re using is not a good word. It’s naughty. (The girls start to play dumb.) Blossom: What word? Bubbles: We used a lot of words today. Professor: You know—that one you keep using over and over. (tapping his head) Think real hard. Buttercup: “The”? Bubbles: “You”? Blossom: We used both of those a lot. Professor: No, not those. Those are great. It’s that other one. Blossom: “Bad”? That’s not good. Is that it? Professor: (clapping hands to head) No, that new one. Bubbles: Ohhh! You mean **HONK** ! I learned that from you, Professor. (Cut to the now-angry crowd; she continues o.c.) You’re always teaching us new stuff. (Back to the family.) Professor: (chuckling nervously, glancing toward crowd) Oh, well, that can’t be right. (hustling girls o.c.) Uh, let’s go over here and figure out where you really learned that word. Must be cable. (poking head into view) We just got cable. (He approaches the girls, who are now gathered by a stopped car, and forces a cheery tone into his voice—even though he knows exactly what started all the sailor talk.) Professor: (over shoulder) We’ll get to the bottom of this. (kneeling, sotto voce) Now, girls, I need to explain something to you. I should never have used that word. It’s very bad, and I’m very sorry. It’s not the kind of language you girls should ever use. (loudly, over shoulder) Uh, I don’t know where you heard it, but it’s a naughty, naughty word! (The crowd is nonplussed; he lowers his voice and turns back to the girls.) Professor: What that word really means is… (As he starts to whisper, cupping a hand to his mouth, they float in closer to hear more clearly. After a moment, their eyes go so wide that they look as if they might pop from the sockets.) Girls: (totally horrified) No! (The Professor stands.) Bubbles: Oh, no! I’m a potty-mouth! (The monster starts to curse and rampage o.c. again.) Buttercup: We have some unfinished business, girls! (It is sitting on a building, grumbling and holding out one hand as if to say, “Bring it on, jerks.”) Blossom: We need to teach that potty-mouth a lesson! (The girls charge. Parked on the street is a big rig bearing the logo of the Super Sudsy Soap Co. This is hoisted away by Bubbles and Buttercup. Blossom rushes in and lands a blow to the monster’s midsection, causing it to let off a fresh string of foul language. Her sisters stuff the truck into the open mouth, after which it swirls down the spout as the toilet is flushed. Pink suds start to bubble over the sides of the bowl, and the creature—now looking rather ill—lets off a belch.) Blossom: That should be a lesson to you, Mr. Monster, that certain words are inappropriate. Bubbles: Especially for nice girls like us. Blossom: (pointing o.c.) Now, you get a time-out to think about what you’ve done. (Cut to an unoccupied patch of land at an intersection. Two of its edges face the sidewalks, while the other two are formed by very tall buildings that stand nearby. The monster clumps into view, its back partially turned to the camera, and stands facing this “corner.”) Blossom: (from o.c.) When you realize your mistake, you can come back and we’ll discuss a proper punishment. (It grumbles halfheartedly over its shoulder. Back to the girls.) Buttercup: Less talking, more **HONK** thinking! (The background for the end shot comes up.) Narrator: And soap once again the day is saved— (The girls appear: Blossom and Bubbles in their usual poses, Buttercup sulking with a fresh mouthful of soap spilling down her chin.) Narrator: —thanks to the Potty-Mou—er, I mean the Powerpuff Girls! ---- (Opening title pops on screen. After a few seconds a title vanishes and screen cuts to black) (We See a familiar shape coming from the left until it fill the entire screen) Angelica: Move your big bald head, you dumb baby! (The camera zooms out from the moon until it reveals Tommy's head in front of the TV.) Tommy: Oh, sorry, Angelica. (Miss Carol's Happy House show starts on the TV. Angelica runs up to the TV and stares at it) '' Angelica? '''Angelica': Shhh! Miss Carol's on. You know she's my favoritest TV person and my biggest fan. I'm mean, oh, you know. Shhhh! Miss Carol: Good morning, children. We have a terrific, fun-filled show for you today. But first, are you ready to hear Miss Carol's super duper fun phrase? Children: Yeah!! Miss Carol: Okay, let's ask Shannon, our Happy Helper. (to Shannon) What does Miss Carol think of her kids? Shannon: (while Angelica copies her) She thinks they're all Fun-a-riffic. (The Audience cheers in amazement.) Miss Carol: That's right! Now, Monday starts a brand new month, and you know what that means: a brand new Fun Phrase. And... Shannon (sighs sadly) A new happy helper. Miss Carol: And we'll all miss you. (a man comes in with a train full of cards before dancing away) But right now, it's time to reach into our big barrel of postcards and see which of our loyal happy house viewers to get a chance to audition to be a new happy helper. Ready to pick them, Shannon? Shannon: I guess so... (she opens the door and picks one postcard) Miss Carol: Kim Koleman... (Shannon hands Miss Carol another one) ...Samantha Lipton... Tommy: Angelica, what's a audition? Angelica: Audition is when they decide to add me to the show. Now be quiet! Miss Carol: ...and Angelica Pickles. (Angelica screams in joy and runs to find Charlotte as Tommy falls backwards) (Later at the KSBG Television Studio.) (Angelica is sitting on stage with Stephanie) Stephanie: Okay, Angelica, are you ready? Angelica: Mm-hmm. Stephanie: All Right. First of all, a happy helper has to be familiar with our show. Angelica: Oh. I watch the show every day. Stephanie: Well, that's good. Do you think you could lead the Happy House marching band? Angelica: Just's watch. (Angelica does some marching with some marching noises) Stephanie: Ohh, Very Nice. That's enough. Okay, Angelica. Now, how about the Happy House Weather Watch? Angelica: Ohh. I love this part! Stephanie: Okay, Angelica, make it rain at the Happy House! (Angelica picks up a shape of a frowning rain cloud and puts it above the house) Angelica: Ta-dah! Rainy Randy! Stephanie: That's excellent! And finally, the Fun Phrase. What does Miss Carol think of her kids? Angelica: She thinks they're all FUN-A-Riffic! (Stephanie falls backwards in surprise. Charlotte beams with joy.) Stephanie: Well, that's all. You did a great job. Be sure to watch the show tomorrow to see If you're one of our finalists. Angelica: Thank you. (She runs up to Charlotte to get a hug) Wasn't I great, Mommy? I was a bestest kid in the whole a-dition. Charlotte: Of course you were, sweetheart! Mommy is very proud! (They hug each over, until the phone rings Charlotte answers) Jonathan? Yes, good. Make a note of that. (Charlotte's voice fades as Angelica see Miss Carol going into her studio room. Angelica goes to her room, where Miss Carol struggles to get her hat off. With her top of her hair shaped like her hat she shakes her hair back to normal. Stephanie enters...) Miss Carol: (groans) Aren't you done picking that new happy kid thing yet? (Angelica peeks behind the door) Look, I've got more important things for you to do, all right? You have to make an appointment for my facial, fire my hairdresser, and cancel that meeting with my fan club! Angelica: She's so wonderful! Stephanie: Sorry, Miss Carol. I promise, I'll get the auditions done right away. But, the writers have come up with the new Fun Phrase. Miss Carol: (sighs disapprovingly) Yeah, thrill me. Stephanie: Now, when you ask "What Does Miss Carol think of her kids?", they'll respond: "She thinks they're all Swell-O-Matic!" (Miss Carol puts her feet together to block her view of Stephanie.) Miss Carol: Aw, you call that a Fun Phrase? I'll tell you the real Fun Phrase. She thinks they're ALL LITTLE-- (The last word is censored by a passing utility van's horn. Angelica is thrilled when she hears that) Angelica: Wow! If that's the real new Fun Phrase, then I'm the onliest kid who knows it. Oooh, Miss Carol will be really happy when she hears me say it. (She runs from the door into the screen, with her arm covering it.) (Later at Angelica's House. Tommy, Chuckie, Phil and Lil are in the playpen while Didi, Charlotte and Angelica watch Miss Carol's Happy House) Miss Carol: And our third and last finalist will be, Angelica Pickles. (Angelica gasps in delight and smiles) Charlotte: (hugs her) Oh, honey, I knew you were going to be a star! Miss Carol: Now remember, all of our finalists will appear on the show tomorrow and will introduce the new Fun Phrase. See you then! (Angelica turns off the TV in joy) Angelica: Oh Mommy, I'll need shiny shoes, and my prettiest dress, and you have to do my hair up real pretty, and make sure it- Charlotte: Don't worry, sweetie. I'm sure Miss Carol will think you're Fun-a-Riffic. (To Didi) They call that the Fun Phrase. Angelica: No, mommy, the real Fun Phrase is: She thinks we're all little- (Cut outside the house when the last word gets censored by a truck blaring its' horn followed by Charlotte's terrified scream) (We cut back inside the house where we see Charlotte has fainted with Didi fanning her with some papers) Angelica: Oh, Mommy, I knew you'd be a-cited for me. Oh, I gotta go tell Cynthia. (runs off) Cynthia! Charlotte: (terrified) What should I'll do? Should I wash her mouth out with soap? Is that toxic? Should I use toothpaste? Didi: Now, Charlotte, I know that was a little... shocking. But, but let's not overreact. Perhaps we need some professional advice. It's my new Lipschitz Electronic Pocket Reference. Isn't technology great? First I just type in the bad word... (looks disgusted we she types it) ...and voila! Here's the answer. (German accent) "Ven ze child is bad vord saying, you simple sit ze child down and calmly tell ze child zat ze vord is unacceptable". You see? It's zat--I mean, that easy. (Next shot shows the babies in their pen looking confused) Chuckie: I don't get it. How can a word be bad? Tommy: I guess a bad word is a word that people don't wanna hear. Phil: Oh! Then I know a really bad word: Bath! (Later at Angelica's house, her parents have a serious talk with her) Drew: So, sweetheart, since your Fun Phrase has a bad word in it, it would make mommy and me happy if you just didn't say it anymore. Angelica: Well, which word is the bad one, Daddy? Drew: (nervously) Well, it's--I mean it's the w-- Look, maybe it would just be better if you didn't say ANY of those words anymore, Angelica. Angelica: Is it "We're"? Drew: Angelica! Angelica: Is it "All"? Charlotte: Angelica, you are not to say that word again! Angelica: Is it "Little"? Drew: (even angrier) Angelica! If you say that word one more time, we are not going to take you be at Miss Carol's show! Angelica: (gasps) Oh, you mean it's-- (A shot of a man with his noisy jackhammer is seen drilling the road outside her house, drowning out the word followed by Charlotte's terrified scream) (We cut to Angelica crying in her room at night) Angelica: And now I can't be on the show--and I don't even know what that word means! (Angelica continues crying clutching Cynthia as the camera zooms in on a poster of Miss Carol) (Cut to the kitchen, Angelica walks in with a remorseful look to her parents) Angelica: Mommy, Daddy, I'm sorry I said the bad word when you told me not to. And I promise if you let me be on Miss Carol's Happy House, I'll never ever say it again. Drew: (smiles) Oh, all right. (looks at his watch) If we leave right now, Charlotte, we can still get there on time. Angelica: Oh, thank you, Mommy! Thank you, Daddy! I'll go get ready! Charlotte: (smiles) And I'll call everyone! (Cut to Miss Carol's Happy House, Stephanie is with two kids named Timmy and Kim) Stephanie: So, when Miss Carol says "What does Miss Carol think of her kids?", what do you say? Timmy and Kim: She thinks we're all Swell-O-Matic! Stephanie: Very good! You're going to do just fine. (sighs) Where is that Pickles girl? (Angelica and her parents run in just in time) Oh, Angelica, you made it. Perfect. Mr. and Mrs. Pickles, you can take your seats in the audience. (Stephanie takes Angelica on stage with Timmy and Kim, Angelica gasps seeing her parents wave at her) And we're live in 5, 4, 3, 2... (The On Air sign flashes with music beginning the show) Miss Carol: Good morning, children! (Cut to Stu, Grandpa Lou, and Didi watching on the TV) Kids: Good morning, Miss Carol! Miss Carol: Today's that special day here at my Happy House when we pick my new Happy Helper. (Timmy briefly picks his nose) This month, we're going to decide who gets to be the new Happy Helper by seeing who's best at saying our new Fun Phrase. (the kids cheer) Timmy, you'll be the first to say it live in front of millions of viewers! (the camera closes up to Timmy, and he gives a nervous look) What does Miss Carol think of her kids? Timmy: (in a state of shock, stammers) Hubba... hubba... hubba-hubba... (Timmy continues until he is paralyzed, annoying Miss Carol) Miss Carol: (goes back to smiling) Okay, well, thanks for coming in, Timmy. (goes to Kim, whom smiles happily) All right, Kim, why don't you try? What does Miss Carol think of her kids? Kim: Um, um... (runs off crying) I WANT MY MOMMY!!!!! Miss Carol: Okay, Angelica, I'm relying on you. Tell everyone the new Fun Phrase. What does Miss Carol think of her kids? Angelica: (nervously) She thinks, um, we're all little... uh... (She mumbles as her parents panic making "don't say it" gestures) Miss Carol: (losing her patience) Okay, Angelica! If you love Miss Carol at all, YOU WILL TELL US RIGHT NOW, WHAT DOES MISS CAROL THINK OF HER KIDS!!!!!!! Angelica: (inhales triumphantly) SHE THINKS WE'RE ALL, LITTLE--- (Her last word gets censored by Charlotte's horrified scream) Drew: (covers his eyes in shock) OH, NO!!!! (Cut to Tommy's house, Stu covers his ears, Didi dividend gasps and covers her eyes, and Grandpa Lou covers his mouth) (Cut back to Miss Carol's Happy House) Miss Carol: That's it! Get her out! Get her out of here! Angelica: But that's what you said! But you said it, Miss Carol! Miss Carol: (loses it) You're right! You're right, you know that? You're right! (throws down her microphone) I have said it before and I will say it again! (laughs deviously) YOU ARE ALL LITTLE-- (Her last word gets censored by a long beep from a color bar test pattern shown on the control room screen, the two camera crew goes stunned before looking at each other) (Cut back to the stage, Stephanie and the producer are stunned as well) Angelica: See?! See?! She did say it! (Cut to Angelica's house, Angelica watches TV, Miss Carol has apparently gotten fired and has been replaced by Stephanie, who hosts with Timmy, still paralyzed with stage fright) Stephanie: (happily) Whoo! I had a lot of fun today, and I hope you did too. I'd like to thank my new Happy Helper, Timmy, for a fun, fun, fun time here on Miss Stephanie's Happy House! (Angelica, who is disappointed for what she did, shuts off the TV, the babies walk up to her) Tommy: Well, Angelica, we just wanted to let you know that we're sorry your mommy and daddy wouldn't let you be a TV star. Lil: Yeah, all on the count of that word. Phil: What's that word mean anyway? Angelica: (sadly) All my daddy would tell me is that it makes some peoples feel bad--and I'm not a-posed to say it. So just leave me alone, you dumb babies! Chuckie: Um, Angelica, you know, uh, when you call us dumb, it makes us feel bad. Tommy: So, uh, maybe 'dumb' is a bad word, too. Angelica: All right, all right. I won't call you dumb babies... (smiles to the screen) ...much. ---- Fowlmouth: "Aw, dad-gummit, I spilled (bleeped explicit) milk all over my (bleeped explicit) feathers. I mean, if I had a nickel for every (bleeped explicit) time I spilled something on my clothes, I'd be a rich (bleeped explicit) guy. I don't believe it. I got (bleeped explicit) lunch all soggy and...(burps) Pardon me." Buster: "That's my weak spot; vulnerable poultry." Buster: "Golly...Gosh...Buster?! F.M.! You just said three whole sentences without swearing!" Fowlmouth: "Sure, there's little kids here, you know. What, do you think I'm crude or something?" ---- *(Dexter is in his lab using a welder to finish his invention) *'Dexter:' Ahh, my latest, greatest work is just about completed! Hm, one more adjustment to the flux motivator. *(He goes back to welding; Dee Dee peeks inside the lab and merrily skips inside) *'Dee Dee:' Ooooh. Dexter's got gas! *(She flips over the canisters and lands on the hose with her heel as she slides over to Dexter; Dee Dee grabs the hose and the welder stops working; Dexter lifts his mask and looks at the hose; Dee Dee lets the hose go and the nozzle blasts Dexter's face, leaving him with dark hair) *'Dee Dee:' Whatcha doin'? Are you makin' a shrink ray? Hm? Or a remote controller that can turn you into animals? Hm? Hm? Or is it just another dumb robot? Hm? What is it? Huh? Huh? *'Dexter:' Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! So you want to know what my ingenious invention is, do you? *'Dee Dee:' You know it, bro. *'Dexter:' *''Dramatically''* It is great, that's what it is! *''Normal tone''* This machine has the ability to remove and contain the most annoying personality trait known to man: Rudeness. Behold, The Rude Removal System! *(The camera pulls out to reveal the Rude Removal System; it then cuts to Dexter standing in front of a chart) *'Dexter:' Okay, listen. To simplify this, Dee Dee minus rude equals happy Dexter. *(As he explains, the camera pans over the entire chart with Dexter standing at the other side smiling) *'Dee Dee:' Oh yeah?! *''she pokes Dexter's eye''* You're the rude one, brother! *'Dexter:' It is you that is rude! *'Dee Dee:' No, you! *'Dexter:' No, you! *'Dee Dee:' You! *'Dexter:' YOU! *'Dee Dee:' YOU! *'Dee Dee:' *''sarcastically''* You're right, Dexter. I am the rude one. *''she purposefully kicks Dexter''* See? *(Dexter flies over to the Rude Removal System and slams on the red button) *'Computer:' Rude Removal System activated. *(Dexter clenches his fists and runs toward Dee Dee with a battle cry; they both fight as a cloud appears over both of them; Dee Dee kicks Dexter into the Rude Removal System and she jumps after him; their fight resumes) *'Computer:' Rude Removal procedure beginning now. *(A pink cloud fills up the A tube; Dexter bangs on the glass; the cloud goes over to the B tube; Dexter and Dee Dee look at it) *'Computer:' Rude Removal procedure completed. *'Dee Dee:' *''English accent''* Bravo, Dexter, your Rude Removal System is a smashing success! *'Dexter:' *''English accent''* Quite. Like I said before, it takes the rudeness of a person, removes it, and then contains it. *(The cloud in the B tube fades away; two kids who look very similar to Dee Dee and Dexter come out) *'Rude Dexter:' Where the fuck are we? *'Rude Dee Dee:' Beats the crap outta me! *'Dexter:' Why, you're in Dexter's laboratory, silly! I'm Dexter. And this golden-haired angel behind me is my charming sister, Dee Dee. *(Dee Dee curtsies) *'Dee Dee:' Charmed! *'Rude Dexter:' Ah, fuck off! *'Dee Dee and Dexter:' *''gasp''* Oh dear. *'Dexter:' Ahem. Excuse me sir, but we think that was very rude, and we are in want of an apology. *'Rude Dexter:' Yeah, here's your fucking 'pology! *'Mom:' *''offscreen''* Kids! Lunchtime! *'Rude Dexter:' Lunchtime! I'm fucking starvin'! *(He pushes Dexter onto the ground and forges to the kitchen with Rude Dee Dee beside him) *'Dee Dee:' Dexter? I'm sorry those meanies broke your machine and made you look like a wimp. *'Dexter:' Why, it's okay, Dee Dee. Maybe they'll be in better spirits after eating some of Mom's delicious cooking. *(They smile and lick their lips) *'Dee Dee and Dexter:' Mmm! *(Cut to the kitchen; Mom is seen mixing batter; Rude Dee Dee kicks the door open) *'Mom:' Kids, have a seat. I'll be right with you. *(The rude kids fight over a seat; Rude Dee Dee pushes Rude Dexter out of the way using her hip; Mom walks over to the table; Rude Dexter lands in front of her and Mom trips over him) *'Mom:' I hope you're hungry because I've made a- *''grunts''* speciallunchthatIgotfromarecipethatIfoundinaspecialBettyCrockermagazine! *''huffing''* I hope you like it. *(She gets up from the floor with green stars and dots circling her head; Rude Dexter chews the food) *'Mom:' Well, whaddya think, Dexter? *'Rude Dexter:' *''with a full mouth''* I think it taste like shit! *(He spits the food at a shocked Mom; Mom falls to the floor) *'Mom:' Oh! *(Rude Dee Dee takes the bowl, sticks her entire face in it, and gobbles away) *'Rude Dexter:' I gots to find some fucking food! *(He walks over to the fridge and starts throwing out food) *'Rude Dexter:' No! No! Uh-uh! Nada! No way! Ah! *''he pulls out a pie''* Oh baby, come to Papa. *(Mom gets up) *'Mom:' Ugh...ah? Dexter! No! Absolutely not! You cannot have any dessert. *'Rude Dexter:' Why? You want it all to yourself? *(Mom gasps, grows wrinkles, and falls to the floor; Rude Dee Dee is at a cabinet throwing out canned food and cooking ingredients) *'Rude Dee Dee:' Hey, where's the fucking candy? *(Rude Dexter is eating the pie; a can bounces off his head) *'Rude Dexter:' Hey, fucking watch where you're throwin' that, bitch! *'Rude Dee Dee:' Okay, I will! *(She picks up a jar of peanut butter and purposefully throws it at Rude Dexter's head) *'Rude Dexter:' Hey! FOOD FIGHT! *(He throws the pie at Rude Dee Dee's head; she screams; Rude Dexter laughs and points at her; she then throws a watermelon at Rude Dexter, then laughs and points at him; the food fight resumes; Mom gets up and witnesses the chaos; she gets really angry as the background turns bright red'') *'''Mom: STOP THIS THIS INSTANT! I've had just about enough of you two! Now clean up this mess, and go to your rooms FOREVER! *'Rude Dexter:' Look lady, that's cute and all, but let me tell you somethin'. I make my own fucking rules. So why don't you do what all good mothers are supposed to do and clean it up yaself? So long, toots. *(He and Rude Dee Dee leave the kitchen) *'Rude Dexter:' Hey look, it's Dorkster and Dumb Dumb. Say, nancy pants, your mom wants ya. *(Dexter and Dee Dee walk to the kitchen holding hands) *'Dexter:' Oh my. Mother. We best see what she wants. So you're off, then? *'Rude Dexter:' Yeah, we're gonna go fuck up your lab! *(He and Rude Dee Dee run off to the lab) *'Dexter:' Well, they're nice enough fellows once you get to know them. A little rough around the edges, but- oh, hello Mother. Are you in need of us? *(Dexter and Dee Dee enter the messy kitchen as ordered by Mom as she stands next to the door) *'Mom:' Now I'm gonna get a bar of soap to wash out your filthy little mouths, and when I get back I wanna see this place spotless! *(She slams the door shut; Dexter and Dee Dee look at the mess their rude counterparts left behind *'Dexter and Dee Dee:' Oh my! *'Dexter:' Well Dee Dee, we must get to work! *(Something in Dexter's laboratory shuts down) *'Dexter:' It appears our counterparts are involved in some mischief upstairs, we should come to their aid, wouldn't you say? *'Dee Dee:' Why, yes! But what with the cleaning, dear brother? *(Dexter thinks) *'Dexter:' I got it! And its a pip of an eye via two! We'll leave a note! *(Dexter posts a note on the fridge) *'Dexter:' Oh, yes. Come, dear sister. *(In the laboratory, Rude Dexter and Rude Dee Dee are causing chaos while they laugh maniacally) *'Dexter:' Excuse me, sir and madam, but you must stop this senseless destruction now! *(Dee Dee wags her finger) *'Dexter:' Please. *(Rude Dexter fires a laser at them) *'Dexter and Dee Dee:' Woah! *(They both run away and hide behind a wall; Rude Dee Dee reaches for the laser gun while Rude Dexter pushes her away) *'Rude Dee Dee:' Let me play with that! *'Rude Dexter:' You're too stupid to use that, you moron! *(He whacks Rude Dee Dee with the gun) *'Dexter:' Gosh Dee Dee! I have an idea but, its a little bit blue! *'Dee Dee:' Oh! Well, let's hear it anyway! *(Dexter whispers to her) *'Dee Dee': Oh my Dexter! That is deceptive! *(They run to the Rude Removal System; Dee Dee gives Dexter the signal) *'Dexter:' Out loud Oh, I hope nobody goes into the Rude Remove System! Where they duplicate themselves even more and then they could possibly millions of rude fellows running around! *'Rude Dexter and Rude Dee Dee:' Yeah! *(They run to the Rude Removal System and jump inside; Dee Dee closes the B tube and Dexter starts the reversal procedure) *'Computer:' Rude Removal Reversal System activated. *(Rude Dexter and Rude Dee Dee disappear) *'Computer:' Sequence complete. *(Dexter and Dee Dee step out of the A tube) *'Dexter:' Phew! Glad that's over, no thanks to you! *'Dee Dee:' Me? I'm not the one who built that stupid thing! *'Dexter:' But I built it to remove your rudeness. *'Dee Dee:' I'm not rude, you are! *'Dexter:' No, you! For the last time you is rude been ga- *(Mom stands in the doorway with a bar of soap in her hands) *'Mom:' Now to clean those filthy mouths. *'Dexter:' Oooooh, shit. Trivia *Ed was shown without his jacket for the entire episode. *Edd mentioned they are "Seven Dirty Words". *Eddy breaks the fourth wall at the end of the episode. *This episode is similar to "Curses" from The Powerpuff Girls, "The Word of the Day" from Rugrats, "To Bleep or Not to Bleep" from Tiny Toon Adventures, "Rude Removal" from Dexter's Lab, "Bleep" from Arthur, "The Bad Word" from Yoko! Jakamoto! Toto!", "Who Said That?" from Baby Looney Tunes, "DinglieDanglieDoodle" from Rolie Polie Olie and "Sailor Mouth" from SpongeBob SquarePants. Category:Fan-Fiction Category:Episodes Category:Fan-Fiction Episodes Category:Season 9 episodes